I went to education week in August of 2011 where a teacher said something that really struck me...
in my own words though-
"You really do not need permission to dream your dreams, work towards them, or live them out". She said it much simpler but wow it was like lightning striking in my heart. Before that point I felt a little guilty having this as a lingering dream in the attic of my mind.
So I have many dreams and aspirations, let me paint you a picture of my dream...
New England think Massachusetts, Connecticut or New Hampshire perhaps.
I find myself dreaming and longing to live in the architecturally rich environs of New England. I see the tiny towns with bookstores and little restaurants lining the small down town areas.
I see a beautiful home that I have designed. I would love to build our home, but I also could
be happy with an existing home that has a floor plan close enough to the ideals my husband and I have
for our home someday. I plan and dream of decorating each room.
Here is a sample of a home facade that I would love to have someday
( I took this picture, it is not illegal to take a photo of a home)
There are so many details that I have in mind...
Christ Centered living and giving:
Soft music, cleanliness, loving words, regular daily scripture study and prayers. Family home evenings. Inspiring quotes, books, movies and games. The walls will have inspiring art work both of Christ and other glorious pieces of art work.
Furnishings from Pottery Barn and Antique pieces:
I love white furniture. I also love french floral fabrics. I want clean, traditional, and appealing staple pieces of furniture. Antique is almost the only way to find quality pieces of furniture anymore.
Fine papers for crafts, letters, and special occasions. I would love to have fine pieces from Lladro, Waterford, Wedgewood and more. I dream of beautiful pieces of Art, originals, paintings that are pastoral, nautical, architectural, spiritual, pastel, and inspiring.
Food from Whole Foods and the like:
Organic, tasty, and delicious meals set at the family table where stories are told and bonds are built.
Decorations similar to or from Martha Stewart omnimedia:
I would watch Martha Stewart for fun when I was a ten year old... I fell in love with most of her tastes when I was a child. I love to make things that look like her designs or look like they could be out of her photo shoots. I love crisp, traditional, and beautiful interiors and exteriors. Her products reflect my tastes most accurately.
I love the idea of making my home my own, decorating it so it appears professionally decorated, yet knowing that it was mostly all my own doing.
A beautiful library:
I treasure books, handsome books, intriguing books, how-to books and so many many more!
I see in my dreams a room with gorgeous wooden built in bookshelves. Knowledge can be so wonderful when utilized, it becomes wisdom to us when we put what we learn to practice. I want my children to be inspired by time proved printed pages of words, stories, and facts.
A formal entry room:
I love the idea of having a place to entertain company and have a peaceful room to sit and read in.
A formal dining room:
I hope that Thanksgiving and Christmas will often be held at our formal table with great food and memories both made and shared there.
The kitchen open to a family room:
The kitchen is the heart of the home and as such I believe it being open to the family room allows for greater bonding and family togetherness.
1/4 of an acre or more:
I long for the beautiful cottage I dreamed of as a child and hoped to somehow bring to fruition in my 11 year old ambitious heart.
Simple but beautiful landscaping:
I want some beautiful trees, flowers, shrubs perhaps, but mostly a well kept grass lawn.
Easy to take care of and easy to look upon. A Backyard Cottage for the children to play in. As well as a guest cottage for me for crafts. Delicious aromas wafting from the kitchen:
I hope to make food that smells the home with lovely scents. I want to be a chef to some extent.
It is very important in my opinion to share as many meals as possible around the family table. Delicious food is a must!
An inspiring childhood:
I dream of my children having wooden toys to play with, train sets, model planes, American Girl dolls, Melissa and Doug toys, blocks, kidkraft, doll houses, crafts, and legos. I dream of reading books with them from the local library, having them give me and their Daddy puppet shows. I want them to be inspired by classic artwork, music, science, and exploring talents they admire. A television set for family movie nights and to watch documentaries and historical films. I want them to be filled with joy and awe when they play with music boxes or look at snow globes. Maps of the world would be accessible in the learning/play room.
I also see the great value of Montessori and Waldorf learning styles. I believe children have so much imagination to create and explore with. I don't want them to forfeit all the wonders of childhood to endless screen time.
Love for their ancestors and their nationalities. I want a wall of framed pictures of all of their relatives that I can lay my hands on. I want them to feel as though they are a part of something great, because in reality they are!
Today we will be discussing themes from chapter 23 which is
entitled Crucibles and Healings: Illness,
Loss, Death, and Bereavement.
This quote comes from pages 239-240
“In many ways, the principle of opposition is an important
part of the crucible experience. Many of life’s experiences are oppositional in
nature and involve learning through contrast and comparison…” later they go on
to say “Scholars in family and health sciences have explored the oppositions
and paradoxes of illness experiences, noting the emotional roller-coaster ride
that is both draining and empowering.”(McDaniel, Hepworth, Doherty, 1997, p. 3).”
I myself have gone through many crucibles in my family as
the years have progressed. The first one I recall comes from my childhood. I
was 5 years old and my beloved grandfather passed away in a hospital bed in the
room next to mine from cancer. I remember that time very well. I remember my
mother talking on the phone a lot and making lots of arrangements. I know it
was a very difficult time, but it drew us closer.
There have been many difficult times that have happened over
the years. My mother has a heart condition and so I was very familiar with
calling 911 from a young age. My mother’s illness allowed for me to see the
priesthood administered and my testimony grew as I watched her deal with the
challenges her poor health presented her.
Most recently my parent’s divorce occurred, and then the
loss of my treasured home that I had found as a 15 year old girl. The
opposition in our life allows us to grow into stronger and more empathetic
people if we allow it to. Though it has not been so easy to cope with their
loss as I begin my own marriage, I know that it is helping me live in reality
and helping me value the delicate
relationships that I currently have.
This chapter talks about coping with the suffering and pain
that occurs within families. All families will have difficulties, all people
will lose someone or something dear to them. The ultimate good that trials can
afford us, is knowledge and refined characteristics.
What trials have you faced in your family?
How have you seen another person or family cope well with
loss, death, or illness?
What blessings have you seen from hardships you or someone
else you know has had to face?
Aunt Julee (me) with my darling niece and nephew
I want to express my gratitude for the Savior Jesus Christ
who took on my burdens to help them be lighter. I know He loves us and will
help us through all hardships we are called to face. In the Book of Mormon, in
Alma chapter 7:11 which says: “And he
shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind;
and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the
pains and the sicknesses of his people.” ( Click here to see more)
I know he knows me, loves me,
and has helped me to overcome the very dark and lonely times throughout my life
and I know he will help you. As we each
go through hardships, try to keep in mind it won’t be forever. You are loved!
I am really excited for this topic we will be
discussing today! It comes from chapter
22 at the beginning of the chapter. I have been thinking a lot about this topic
lately, especially in regards to my future family.
“Recreation can be easy. We all know how to find fun
things to do. In our current world, we are immersed in a plethora of
entertaining technology. We have access to a variety of television programming;
we have myriad interactive video games.
If we are on the go, we have smart phones that access the digital
airways. … The choices are endless.” (pg 225)
This post will be strongly flavored by my own
beliefs and opinions, if you find your opinion varies a great deal from mine
that is alright. I simply want to express the way I see things, again from my
not quite yet a mother’s perspective.
Let’s get down to business. First here is a quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that really offers the point of my message today - "Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life." (Click here for talk this quote is from.)
Being busy is not necessarily a good thing. As the
modern world has developed more and more optional and recreational activities
have been made available. It is almost every parent’s quest, especially in the
United States to offer their children what they perceive to be a superior
childhood to their own. It is not a written rule or expectation, yet so very
many parents attempt to and work very hard to secure the best future
opportunities for each of their children.
Parents have been known to do some outlandish things
for their children at very early ages. Recently a woman bought a 6 million
dollar condo for her two year old, so she could have an in when it came time to
go to NYU or Harvard. (Click here for article)
Don’t take me for someone who does not want children to have wonderful options
and opportunities, it is just that there seems to be a line as to what is best
and what is just nice.
I will paint for you the scenario I see as ideal for
a child, specifically an LDS child, but nonetheless any child:
The child is born to loving parents who are married,
a mother and a father. They have a safe and clean home for the baby to live in.
The father works hard and provides well so that the wife/mother can stay home
and take loving care of the new child. The mother is frugal and takes excellent
care of her child and home and does her best, but is alright without having
every last detail perfect in their home or life.
The child grows and is read to, taught about Jesus,
and is reared with love. The child is prepared for Kindergarten and is ready to
begin the learning process, already familiar with activities and a bit of self
discipline. By this time another child is in the home and the same process
continues with the new baby.
As the first child progresses through school, outside
activities lure his attention and he desires to participate in an after school
soccer league. The parents allow this to take place but explain to their son
that he can only do one after school activity at a time. This family keenly
values family time, and though extracurricular activities can be rewarding for
the attributes they can instill in a child there must be time to simply spend
as a child using their imagination as well as protected family time.
(My husband, myself, our nephew and niece)
Alright that is the perfect ideal I see for the
first few years of parenthood and handling the ills of busyness.
I have been watching some documentaries on the Amish
and Shakers. Though I do not want to surrender or ,my husband, I do
feel that there is great value in the humble, simple, and purposeful
lifestyles they choose to live.
The way people used to live was simple, but worked
for thousands of years. People often lived near extended family members, and
all would work hard to harvest food and raise the necessary means to live a
healthy functioning life. They were able to spend time together cleaning, growing
food, and preparing food.
I earnestly would like in my home for my children to
play with traditional toys, wooden toys, books, paint and paper, and all types
of implements that aid the imagination and allow for the intellect and
personality to flourish.
I am not anti- technology( should be obvious since I
am writing a blog), I simply believe when it comes to screen time and
use of technology that less is more. I believe that the TV should not be a baby
sitter, but a tool to watch uplifting and informative documentaries, movies, or
For me the bottom line is balance. There are so many
good and so many wonderful things that we can do and can involve our children
in. President McKay said that "No other success can compensate for failure
in the home."
Also Elder Oaks gave an excellent talk entitled Good, Better, Best
(Click here for the text).He talks a lot about how we have many wonderful opportunities
each day and all through out our lifetime, but there are things that we should
be doing that are of far greater worth than others.
A man once said its not that satan is getting good
men to do bad things, its that he is distracting them with less important
We believe that the family should take priority even
over church callings, responsibilities, and opportunities.
Another huge indicator that our families truly
matter and our absolutely worth the time investment in, is when those near
death have been asked about what they would change or do differently you almost
never hear anyone say I wish I had stayed at the office later and missed more
of my children’s important life events, no it is just the opposite, they wish
they could have been at more and had made more cherished memories with their
My point and hope is, is that people will understand
that slowing down can prove to be a major blessing to all within a family unit.
Yes you should reach for the stars, seek to excel, and do all you can to be
your best. However this should never be at the expense of a rich childhood
filled with loving memories, and skills taught in the home to children.
I could go on for a long while about this critical
topic. That is not the best idea though.
Thank you for your readership and thoughts. I
welcome your opinions and insights. Here are some questions to think on or comment from.
What was your childhood like?
What would you change about your childhood if you
What do you think about the balancing act required
for families to be successful in today’s fast paced world?
Thank you for your time
and insights over the past few posts.
Today we will be
discussing a quote from chapter 21which is entitled “The Meaning and Blessing
of Family Work. Here is the quote…
“Family work is a
lifelong opportunity, essential to the process of becoming like our heavenly
parents. It was not meant to be consistently easy, convenient, or well-managed.
Even parents who appreciate the value of family work get discouraged on the
days it seems fraught with tedium and turmoil.” (pg 219)
I really enjoy this
quote because as a mother to be someday, I see the ideal, and though I know it
will not always be ideal, I hope that it will be perfect. I suppose my point is
this quote brings me back aboard the reality train. However that is a good
thing, not a bad thing. Families are not meant to be perfect in every way or
every moment, and trying to live like that will break everyone who tries to
live that way.
Family life is a beautiful
educational ground for building the character of parent and child alike. As we
work together and learn how to manage the needful aspects of everyday living.
What were some
meaningful memories that you have from doing chores together as a family?
Why do you think working
together as a family can be such a good or bad thing?
I want to be able to be
a blessing to my family someday and be able to balance fun with work. Too much
of either can really throw your life off course.
I suppose as with
everything in life, we need to be able to juggle well the things we need to do
and want to do.
As the quote points out
family life helps us to become like our Heavenly Parents. How so? Well first of
all, they are parents, so as we learn how to be good parents we can look to
them and what they do and have done for us to know how to act. We are given the
opportunity to test our wings as it were as we seek to become parents who love
and give freedoms while teaching and “… nurturing our children in the
admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 )
Becoming God like is a process and so is parenting, they are beautifully harmonious. The two go together because our God is loving and has such a great desire to see His children successful and happy. We become more like Him each time we choose the higher road and make lovingly selfless choices as we interact with our family members.
What happy family memories do you have?
How can we teach children to be hard workers, yet actively and visibly convey our love for each of them?
about the wonderful gift and opportunity that prayer can afford every facet of
our life. Specifically how it can bless our familial and spousal relationships.
This discussion will be based off of chapter 19 which is entitled “Sanctification
and Cooperation: How prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times and
Heal Relationships in Bad Times”
Prayer is a magnificent
blessing, we are given the ability to speak to our loving Heavenly Father and
He eagerly responds and answers our pleas. Though the answers are not always
visible or immediate they always come, we just need to learn how to better look
for and recognize them.
The quote I
like from the chapter comes from page 197:
“Prayer is the means by which
individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship.
Including God in a relationship as one of the “threefold cords” through praying
for one’s partner should imbue the relationship with perceived sacredness. As
individuals pray specifically for the well-being of their partner, they come to
perceive their relationship with this person as being holy and sacred (Fincham
et al., 2010).”
I think this
quote points to the fact that the effects of prayer reach so far into our destiny and future that is before us, that we can hardly fathom the good it can do
for us and our dear loved ones.
As I was
courting my now husband, there were many difficult aspects that I was not sure
of in regards to our relationship, yet I knew I loved my boyfriend. I poured
my heart and soul in my closet while on my knees to my loving Father in Heaven.
Though the trying moments lasted for months, praying gave me strength and
insights that cemented my love and desire to see our relationship blossom into
marriage. I know that as we give God all
we have and as we express to Him our deepest and most sincere concerns He
willingly will help us improve the situations we are in. My Dad always likes to
say that saying “God helps them who help themselves” and I believe that is true
too, if we want to improve our relationship with our spouse or another loved
one, what good would praying for that to happen if we are not willing to change
something that we are doing that may be causing some of the issues we wish were
I once heard
someone say that we should not treat God like He is our butler. I had to think
about that for a moment, and then it really made sense, you only ever call on a
butler (if for some reason you actually had the luxury of having one) when you
want or need something. Most people who have a wait staff don’t summon them
just to thank them for all that they are doing to make their life better. We
need to treat God as our Father and treat Him more as an invested partner in
our plans for righteous success and less as our butler who comes to our rescue
at our every whim.
of the quote I really respect and agree with is the word the author uses, ‘specifically’; I know from personal experience that if you want to see the answers to prayers
more vividly you need to pray specifically, because as you pray with specificity
you are more aware of what you are hoping for and thus when it happens or the answer
comes your mind and heart are in a place to better recognize what God has done
thinking, that is lovely, Julee, but what does that have to do with relationships
exactly? Well everything, when you pray about someone you love and how you can
help to better that relationship or simply when you pray for their needs, the
answers that come are more visible and in my opinion turn your heart closer to
God and that person.
I know that
God loves us and He desires for our joy, so He has given us relationships to
nourish, and as we nourish them or try to revitalize them, He will be there to
answer our prayers and to make our efforts consecrated so we can find great
answering a question for me this time, please consider a relationship you need
or would like to see improved, think about what the issue(s) at the core are,
and then pray, and see what your loving Father will do to help you grow closer
to the ones you love.
(If you are new please scroll down and read the beginning
posts to see where I am coming from)
We will be focusing on equality in marriage. Our generation
from the 1940’s or so until now has been given the most freedom in this realm.
First of all what is equality in marriage? I think it means that there is not a
ruler and a subordinate in the marriage but it is more like a team of two.
After all when you are married who else is better suited to be on your “team”?
There are so many facets to this topic, I hope to cover a few, in meaningful
I am of the opinion that marriage was never meant to be a
sorrow factory, that the ideal role marriage played in the life of those who
engaged in it, was to offer security, love, warmth, opportunity, friendship,
and many other valuable and needed aspects of successful human life.
Here is the quote that I like a lot from chapter 4 (the
title of the chapter is Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families)
did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to
value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the
complex beauty of the symphony.” -
quoted from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
I love the imagery this quote summons up. If you really
think about it, would you ever go to a symphony expecting it to be only French
Horns? Even if it were all French Horn players, the notes they often play only
appear from time to time and there would be a remarkable and confusing void in
Similarly as humans we can fill the void created by others
weakness or they can help us with ours.
So what does this have to do with marital equality?
Everything! One spouse can not dominate and expect beautiful music to flow in
Marriage by nature allows room for the other’s weakness to
be strengthened by the talents and abilities of the other. However when two
people get married that have very similar weaknesses that can lead to their
demise. So it is important to remember that as you select a mate, or begin to
see that in your own marriage.
I love that my husband is wonderful with music, that he is
smart, kind, and witty. I have strengths that help him progress, and his strengths
help me. Though we are not perfect it is about doing your best to progress at a
rate the two of you are comfortable with, based off of clearly stated goals and
For many thousands of years in many cultures one spouse was
dominate and overpowering, while the other was basically forced to just go with
it. I do want to say that I do not know if some people simply preferred that
way or not. I do not want to be guilty of judging the past through presentism’s
eyes. People lived as they knew
depending on their culture and time period, and after all isn't that what we
are doing anyway?
I suppose my point here is that it is nice and exciting that
equality is showing up more often in marriages, however we need to realize that
this is a seemingly new way to handle things. I do think there is much value in
treating your spouse as an equal and allowing for roles to be met by the most
What is your opinion?
Which way seems healthier?
What have you seen happen in either an equal partnership, or
in a higher/lower marriage?
Thank you again for your time and thoughts.
I strongly believe the more we talk about important topics
and educate ourselves the better equipped and able we are to improve our
situation and the situations of those in our circle of influence.
Today we will be talking about what can lead to a wonderful
and amazing marriage.
The quote comes from chapter 3 of the book we have been
discussing here thus far.
Though it is a simple quote it is very powerful and
something I have felt as important and true for
a long time.
“The one commandment was to love as Jesus loves, thus setting
the standard for the pure love of Christ that should be sought in marriage.”
So for some people this thought is entirely will strike them
as new or odd, and for others it may be what they are already doing or planning
to be doing.
My first question for you is:
What was your first thought as you
read that Christ-like love is something that should be sought within a
I think it makes perfect sense. Marriage can prove to be grounds for refinement,
none of us enter a marriage already being entirely patient, forgiving, humble,
entirely honest, as well as many other attributes that Christ held. We may be
really good at patience, but when you get married you soon find out you still
have a long way to go.
I personally believe for a happy marriage to thrive it
should carefully be modeled after (click here for the text of the verses) 1st
Corinthians 13 and should be filled with long suffering, kindness, and love
We live in a ‘me’ culture where we are taught by the media
and the actions of many people around us that life is about pleasing ourselves,
and that if we can do some good for others it should be at no real pain to us. That idea is wrong and so against what would make a healthy marriage thrive.
Who really wants to be married to someone who all of the times only does what
they feel like and only rarely gives token gestures of kindness?
Okay no, you are probably thinking “this is great in theory
Julee, but how do you really live that Christ-like every day?” my answer to
that is, life is a journey and we are not expected and nor should we expect to
have it all down today, we need to take our time and do our best to progress
and move upward with each new sunrise.
Another reason this should seem like the best way to run
your marriage is to think of the many causes for divorce. Can you think of one
reason someone has been divorced over, that wasn't rooted in selfish and
Another strong reason is based off of verse 22 from section
42 in the Doctrine and Covenants which says “Thou shalt love thy wife with all
thy heart”. (click here to see original) It is pretty clear that the Lord wants us to love our spouse
entirely and the best formula in my opinion is to model your life after 1st
Corinthians 13. Yes love all those around you, but always put your spouse a bit
above others with your affections and priorities.
My husband and I are not perfect and being newly married
each day we are finding crossroads where we can choose to be selfish or
selfless. Each little choice adds up, I hope that we can find a way to truly
love our spouse and do all it takes to grow in charity and devoted love towards
Thank you again for reading and please comment and leave me
your thoughts, disagreements, ideas, or questions.
Here is another picture from our recent honeymoon.
Let’s talk today about what really makes marriage
wonderful! Perhaps a little about what does not make marriage so wonderful either?
The quote comes from chapter 3 of the book and is a
quote from Elder Robert D. Hales:
“An eternal bond doesn’t just happen as a result of
sealing covenants we make in the temple. How we conduct ourselves in this life will
determine what we will be in all the eternities to come. To receive the
blessings of the sealing that our Heavenly Father had given to us, we have to
keep the commandments and conduct ourselves in such a way that our families
will want to live with us in the eternities.”
This quote reminds me of another one I have heard a
few times, I found it referenced from a talk that was given by President Faust who retold
the tale as follows “Perhaps you have heard of
the young bride who said, “When I get married, it will be the end of my
troubles.” Her wise mother replied, “Yes, my dear, but which end?”(Click here for original text )
Marriage is not easy, Hollywood and
fairy tales may corrupt us as children and make life look like bliss once you
have made it to your dream day. They would often have you think you have it
made and no worries or issues could ever arise once you have arrived at
One of the largest problems with
that thought process is that you have “arrived” once this becomes your mindset
you stop trying, how can you expect life to stay amazing or get better when you
A common problem in the LDS
community is that many young girls feel that if they can make it to their
temple of their choice to the man they love (or think they love) and believe
that marriage will just “work” for them. Haha funny, it does not work that way
and it was never meant to. Marriage is actually one of the hardest schools you
can ever be enrolled in. It exposes your selfish tendencies, weakness, and frailties
as well as your spouse’s. It is the place in your life you need to work hard
at. If you let a flower garden go on its own and forget about loving it and
taking excellent care of it, you won’t be taking any of your flowers to the
fair to show. Similarly with a marriage if you neglect it nothing wonderful
will come to it.
A healthy and functioning marriage
requires work, effort, love, devotion, patience, kindness, loads of
forgiveness, excellent communication, and so much more.
Like many people say you need to
work for your marriage if you want it to work for you.
My question for you today is what
have you seen in blossoming marriages and conversely what have you seen occur
in withering marriages?
Today’s topic is dating, I can hear you cheering and booing
This blog post is based off of chapter 2 from the book Successful Marriages and
Chapter 2 is entitled
“The ABC’s of Successful Romantic Relationship
Development: Meeting, Dating, and Choosing an Eternal Companion”
I am going to base a lot of my thoughts around my own life
experience with dating and companion seeking/choosing.
This quote sets up my thoughts up perfectly
“ “This will be the most important
decision of your life, the individual whom you marry.” The difficulty for many
single adults is how to do it! … within the framework of the ABC’s or more
correctly, the ABCDE’s of mate selection. George Levinger (1983) postulated a
five-phase development of heterosexual romantic relationships:
A.Awareness of or Acquaintance
with another person;
of the relationship;
following commitment to a long-term relationship (which may result in
marriage for many couples);
or Decline in the interdependence of the couple;
of the relationship”
My thoughts are that A,B, and C are what lead to marriages
that can prosper, while A-E lead to a beak off of the relationship in most
cases for the best outcome of both parties.
For me as I began dating most of the people there were to
choose from I already knew so A had already been established, and B was the
focus of blossoming romantic relationships. However nothing at the early stages
remained at C. I dated for a while, became engaged, then broke it off. It was a
hard choice to break off that relationship but it was for the best for the both
of us. I moved to Utah later that year and that is really when my life fit more
fully in this model.
As I began to adjust to my new surroundings and only being
in Salt Lake City for about a week, I had managed to go on three dates. I did
not come planning to move so swiftly but all of a sudden there were so many men
around me and well the asking commenced. I am not saying any of this to boast
but rather to explain where I am coming from.
So for me mid August to late September I was becoming very aware and becoming well acquainted with several new prospects or
friends depending on how you look at it. Then I moved to stage B with a guy, we will
call him Ralph (not his real name) and for a few months we progressed and
really enjoyed dating, but it just felt like it needed to end just because we
would not have been a good long-term match. We had a lot of fun and enjoyed
being with each other but our differences would have grown large and vast if we
had been married and became parents together so, D moved quickly to E- the
ending of the relationship.
Then for the next 8 months or so I went through a lot of ups
and downs, new people to get to know but they all seemed to end as quickly as
It was during those months I really reflected on what was
the cause of relationships that last versus those that crumble. It was clear to
me that most marriages that last and that are fulfilling begin with a strong
friendship foundation, and so I chose that the next time I was going to be
serious with someone that we would not have physical contact for over a month.
Well it just so happened my now husband was the next one to come along. I told
him just how long he would have to wait to hold my hand/ date me and then how
much longer to kiss me, much to my surprise he agreed to wait the time I had
decided on. (I want to make it clear however that though this worked for me you
are different and what worked for me may work for you or may not- I simply
suggest that you are very prayerful about your dating strategies and
So for me I wanted to and did keep the acquaintance aspect around for a while because I valued having a
high level of both friendship and companionship in my marriage someday. To
often when the physical aspect of a relationship is rushed into our judgment is
clouded and we may not be able to see that we are not as well suited as we may
have thought or realized if we had waited longer to move to that dynamic of the
Lastly I want to say, DON’T give up hope, be serious about
dating because it is that important, and do what feels right in your heart.
This is simply how I feel I fit under this model, please
take time and think about how you can improve your future relationship(s) and
commit to doing it.
My only question for this post is:
What is the most important part of dating that you feels
help you truly get to know a perspective companion/spouse?
The step I want to focus on is the 5th which
is to Hold on to Forgiveness
I think it is so important to commit to the forgiveness
that you have chosen to give. It can be a hard choice to forgive someone
especially when they are close to you. However the best way to mend that
relationship is to commit to leaving the past in the past. I am not saying the
pain has to always be gone for it to be real forgiveness, no it simply means
you do not hold it against them any longer nor flaunt it in their face.
Why do you think we need to forgive other people?
Why should we commit to forgiving people?
I know that in my life when I have chosen to forgive I
feel freed and better able to love. For me it is as though a wall has been
taken down and clearer more meaningful communication can resume. It may be hard
but I urge you to choose someone you have been holding back forgiveness from
and take the little and big steps needed to free you and them from further pain
and sorrow. Forgiveness is a blessing to all because it allows for our souls to be set free from the pain plaguing us. It is a choice, and it will cause renewed peace when we commit to let pain go and love into our lives.
Friends! Today’s topic is… Fidelity in
the first real post was a bit long, this time around it will be a little more
friendly to the casual reader.
you for taking your time to come and see the thoughts I have placed here.
is the quote I will be basing this post off of.
“Often we think that infidelity
primarily happens when spouses do not love each other enough, when the marriage is bad, when sexual
intimacy is suffering, or when a more attractive alternative comes along. But infidelity
is not primarily about love, sex, or attraction; it is about boundaries – where
we draw the line.”
My main question for you today is how
have you seen simple things lead to infidelity?
Or if you have not seen it, why do you
think simple little things often lead to larger offenses?
I have to be honest, this is not a
topic most people are overjoyed to think about. However I think that people not
thinking about fidelity in marriage leaves them less prepared for preventing adultery
in their marriage. In life if we choose to not think about something it does
not mean it will not happen. So to be ready to combat infidelity we need to
know what we are or will be fighting and have a plan of attack or defense.
What are good ways you can think of
that will fortify a marriage from possible attacks or threats?
Another threat to marriages today and
will become a greater threat in the future is the casual outlook people are
taking towards marriage.
How can we protect marriage and how can we help others see the value of
How can we help others help us protect
our marriages? Pictured below my brother-in-law, sister, myself, and my husband.
We need to protect what we value, I value marriage in general and I value my marriage specifically as well. I know that no one is perfect, that we can not nor should endeavor to control our spouse, instead we need to trust them and trust that they will do the right things when we are not looking.
I think some of the best ways we can help prevent infidelity from gaining even a crack of a door into our lives can be:
To never be in a car alone with an adult of the opposite gender (that is not blood related).
Never meet with another person alone for lunch or dinner that is of the opposite gender.
Do not accept flirtations nor offer them to anyone but your spouse.
Always wear your wedding ring.
Pray when you feel tempted.
Talk freely with your spouse about anything you think could develop into something unhealthy and make a plan together of avoidance.
Do not do anything your gut is screaming "No you really should not do that."
Lastly be smart, is it seems like a dumb idea, then don't do it? Is a moment of fun worth the damage done?