Hello Friends,
This post will be centered on a quote from the book
Successful Marriages and Families Proclamation Principles and Research
Perspectives (BYU Studies Copyright 2012) This quote comes from Chapter 10
Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude…
"The authoritative
parenting style. The optimal parenting style is the authoritative parenting
style. Authoritative parenting fosters a positive emotional connection with
children, provides for regulation that places fair and consistent limits on
child behavior and allows for reasonable child autonomy in decision making.
This style creates a positive emotional climate that helps children be more
open to parental input and direction, and allows for parents to individualize
child rearing as encouraged by Brigham Young when he enjoined parents to
"study their [children’s dispositions and their temperaments, and deal
with them accordingly” (Widstoe, 1978, p. 207). Some children, for
example, may require more limits, while others respond better to more latitude,
depending on their dispositions.”
First of all this is coming from the perspective of a woman who
had not had a child yet. I have baby sat for years, worked in pre-schools,
day-cares, elementary schools and summer programs. I have held responsibilities
for children ranging from 3 months to 18 years. However the majority of my
experience has been with toddlers to middle childhood aged children. So no I do
not have first hand experience being a mother, but I have had much interaction with
children and parents.
Let’s get started with that fact that we all are aware of, that a
baby doesn't come with a manual. So where does that leave us to know how to
parent? Well, all of us have grown up in some sort of family setting whether it
was our biological family, adopted, foster, or other arrangement there were
people who were there to be our guardian(s). Most of what each of us knows
about parenting comes from what we learned as we grew up in our family.
This quote has a clear statement of opinion as to what style of
parenting is best for rearing children. Another huge aspect that plays into
parenting style are the cultures the parents were raised in and the culture
they are currently raising their children in.
What style of parenting were you raised in?
What kind of parenting have you seen done well?
What kind of parenting have you seen done in a way that could have
been executed a little (or a lot) better?
My opinion comes from my studies and observation from years of
babysitting and observing the way my friends families as they operated. I have
come to find that there needs to be a fine balance of clear rules and allowance
for children to make their own decisions based off of what they have been
taught. Children need to learn how to be self-sufficient while not being left
to do it all on their own either. Each child has their own set of needs and temperament.
My hope is that if you have
questions you will leave them here and if you have thoughts or answers to
questions I or other pose that you will feel inclined to respond.
The quote from Brigham Young reflects the fact that each child
will need specialized and specific parenting tactics to best fit their needs. Children are individuals and as we have more than one child we need to ever remember to parent and treat them as an individual not a part of a herd.
What are your thoughts about parenting style?
Why does it matter if you have one style or another?
What advice do you have if you are a parent?
Thank you for your time and thoughts!
A couple of my thoughts, also as a woman with no children, who spent some time studying child development, but not a lot--more time learning about the mothers, actually-- and being the youngest in a small family.
ReplyDeleteThe second block quote bugs me a little because it presupposes that people have been in a large enough family with children spaced in such a way that they're able or even interested in caring for siblings. I'm the baby. My siblings are 6, 12, and 14 years older than me, and the oldest two didn't live with us. Maybe my sister could speak more to it, but from my perspective, I didn't notice a lot of nurturing-that-would-inform-later-parenting. In fact...
Watching my sister, I'd say the biggest influence on her and her husband's parenting has probably been that their oldest son has autism, which requires very specific behavior, limits, and allowances. It filters to his siblings sometimes, though I also observe individual adaptations at times.
I used to hang out with a lot of women who practice attachment-based styles of parenting, and I heard one of them say once that rarely does one really "do" any particular system of parenting. It might be your ideal--your guiding star--but ultimately, everyone does what works for and with each child. I think it's important to have guiding principles of what you think works with children--ultimately what works with PEOPLE--in general, but I don't think one should necessarily get hung up on details of systems, anymore than one would with any people. I do think the greatest guiding principle should be kindness, though.
S'my two cents before I run to work.
I appreciate your perspective Jena. I also was raised basically without siblings near. I based my thoughts off of things I have seen but not experienced first hand. Also I think it varies a lot from one family or person to another. I agree that different circumstances from time to time will dictate the way parents choose to or need to parent.
ReplyDeleteI agree there should be some kind of guiding principle but when it comes down to it each must adapt to their situation and make it work the best for them and not be stuck in a box so to speak.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Jena!